The Past 2 Weeks

So aren't you the lucky ones? Two blogs in one day! What do you men you haven't even read the other one?! Actually I'm not surprised, but at least writing them gives me something to do.
Well I have been on holiday, away from the pit of despair, I mean way from where I work. Hold on, I've just realised they are the same thing. Anyways I digress. I would trigress, but that isn't an actual word. These past two weeks have been pretty eventful.

6th of July , was my 3 month check with Dr Curtis. I think the appointment went well. This time Jodie came with me into Central London . We went in on the underground, which saved a heap of money, and for someone like me was a bit of an adventure. Nothing untoward happened, and if other people were starring it probably was at Jodie as she is seriously gorgeous. She even helped me find the clinic as a sense of direction is not my strong point. She left me to see the good Doctor and have my bloods taken.

Everything seems to be going well enough. According to the doctor I presented myself with n euythemic mood. No I am not a member of a popular 80s pop combo, but points to those of you that know what it means without looking it up in a dictionary. I had to. Afterwards we met in Selfridges had the best salad I have ever tasted. It may not seem exciting, but this was just perfect, and I would heartily recommend it to everyone. We went round few shops and had a cup of tea, all really nice, and then caught show. This one was Grease which was great fun even before we saw it s Stacey reduced me to tears with an impersonation over the phone of someone singing a certain Beyonce song. I won't go into details but a always she had me near tears with laughter. I even caught the comb of 'Danny' at the end of the show, and we beat hasty exit as 200 13 year old girls turned towards us.

The following Wednesday I met Jodie and a really good friend, Amber to see Oliver . It was a bit fraught to begin with s Amber was coming to work, but turned up with bout 15 minutes to spare, and Jodie turned up just before the show starting due to an idiot pulling the emergency cord on the train. Needless to say she still turned up looking amazing. The show was so much fun, and we all enjoyed it I think.

Of course in my previous blog entry ( which I'm sure you've all read) the following weekend was Sparkle, which I attended for the first time, and so enjoyed. Then Tuesday I was finally persuaded to attend ( and thankyou you know who for persuading me!) a new girl's first foray into the outside world. Gave me a chance to try my Jessica Simpsons , which went okay. The meal was lovely and I fell in love with credit crunch cocktails!!!! You had to be there, but trust me they are yummy. Penelope was I think very nervous, but looked great and I hope really enjoyed herself. I really enjoyed myself, and felt completely at ease with Jodie, Stacey. Lisa, Dee, and Penelope. Such great company.

Wednesday just gone was another meal out. This one with Jodie, Stacey and Lisa. We met another person there, who was really great company, and I hope I get the chance to meet them again. The restaurant was real class act. The food was of very high standard, and the staff were cute. I mean professional.

So it was all good. At least most of it was. Towards the end of the night, for reasons I won't go into here, I felt really upset. Luckily I have the love and support of truly astonishing friends, but even they must reach some breaking point for my self doubt and self flagellation. There must come point when they won't be able to stand it anymore. However they don't seem to have reached it yet, thankfully.

So here I am sitting blogging away and facing having to return to work. There re such good times in my life. I have such good kind loving people in my life. So why do I find it hard to believe that life will turn out okay? I guess my worries are; a low paid job in a rough area that I feel would at the LEAST be advantageous to move out of before I go full time. However even if I do I am never going to find a well paid job, my financial future is not either a secure one nor particularly bright one, but others have struggled with this. I guess I just think that I am going to find it tricky to cope with it.

Secondly I live with my Mum. Don't get me wrong she is lovely, and very kind and open about letting me be who I am but it isn't the same as having a place of your own. I would love to live somewhere like Shoreditch but it is never going to happen, and when my Mum passes away I have one brother who will not wait to get me out of the house so that he can get his share of the proceedings from it. I don't blame him, but it does make me feel insecure about what I will do.

Thirdly , and I'm sorry but this one is an old chestnut, there is still the belief that my friends will grow tired of me, or forget about me. Or find someone prettier or more exciting to be with, which wouldn't be difficult! Ha! Ha! And I will end up alone in this world.

Don't misunderstand me it's not that I think like this all the time, or even most of the time. But I do feel like this some of the time, and whilst I can sit down and say to myself you are being stupid, I can't seem to let little miss self doubt (one of the lesser known Little Misses) get into my mind. I need to find some way of dealing with this, and of taking positive steps forwards. Trouble is it ain't all that easy is it? OH it is?! Okay I'll get my coat......